My Marriage is 8 but I want to re-marry

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Dear Bro Fuston,

Sincerely speaking, it has not been easy with me since eight years I got married. My husband and I courted for two years before he traveled to Indonesia for greener pastures.

He returned after two years of his sojourn there and we got married in an elaborate ceremony.

We rented a three-bedroom apartment in town and after three months he went back to Indonesia. Within this period of our staying together, I became pregnant. I gave birth to a baby boy and today the boy is eight years yet my husband has not returned to see his son.

We seldom speak and the few times we discussed I begged him to return because we are missing him and it has always been a promise of ‘I will soon come back home.’ It’s over eight years he has been making this promise without a good reason for staying back in Asia refusing to see his family here.

He has not sent any money to us since he left and I have been the one taking care of our son. The rent for the apartment he got for us has long expired and I have tried to renew it, but this time I have so much on my hands and can’t continue to pay for the place neither do I have the money to pay for a smaller place, because I am a low-income earner.

The man I am married to could stay for seven months or more without calling to find out how we are doing. His people are keeping mum over his disregard to his immediate family probably because he reaches out to them.

His absence from home is pushing me into immoral behaviour which I prayed against before marriage. I had thought that by now I would have joined him.

Now he does not mention that any more and would hardly call me or send an e-mail.

I am 34 years now and as you can see I am not getting younger. A guy is bent on marrying me and I think I love him enough to be his wife, though he insists I cannot move into his house with my son and I have concluded plans for the boy to live with my parents in Enugu.

Please, I want to know from you if this move is the right step. Does this guy love me? Assist me to do the right thing, so that I don’t regret whatever action I take now.

I am not sure of this, but my mind is telling me that my husband is married over there to another woman.

Ugochi from Owerri

Dear Ugochi

Your situation is delicate because I cannot hold unto any reason why your man is behaving the way he is.

You cannot say assuredly that he is married to another woman, because of this I will suggest that you put on hold plans about re-marrying.

Some of our people pass through untold hardship in foreign lands in their quest to make a living. Many are thrown in jails and as such their freedom is restricted. We are talking about your husband here, the father of your son, and so you must treat everything about his absence with utmost seriousness.

I often do not encourage offshore marriage because of the challenges arising from it, but whatever be the case you are married to this guy, though he is not fulfilling his obligations as the husband and father of the home. You are not required to marry another because of his absence from home. That is why marriage is different from friendship.

The two of you spiritually are one and so separation cannot just be carried out by a part of this whole.

I think you have not done proper investigation on why your husband seldom calls, sends e-mail or had not returned home after eight years.

You are going to detach yourself from your son physically and emotionally when you send him to live with your parents in Enugu while you are in Owerri.

This decision to leave separately with your son if you dare go by it will certainly affect your relationship with him in the future.

You have an uphill task to carry out, and that is finding the reason why your husband is keeping away from his responsibilities.

I understand it is not easy, but continue in prayers to God, don’t mess around. Try to use your resources judiciously and stay with your son and believe that some day your man will return to you never to leave again.

Frugality in spending will help you maintain a roof over your head no matter how small the place, desist from any immoral act because immorality prevents God’s light from shinning upon one. Ensure that you keep and cherish that only bird you have at hand for it is worth more than a thousand of birds in the bush.

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