Dear Bro Fuston,
I recently had the opportunity to read your column and truly I was pleased by the way you answer questions presented to you.
I have a problem which I want to share with you, believing that respite will come my way through your advice.
Apart from my marriage vow to my husband, which re-echoes each time my minds runs wild, he showed me lots of love when he was healthy. He is in his present condition because of his love for me.
I have once kissed a man with the intention of making love with him, but I had to push him out immediately it flashed in my head that my husband is in his present sick bed because he came to pick me up from the airport at night and had a road accident on his way to the airport which had kept him bedridden till today. It is about five years this happened and since this five years, the family and his company have done so much to take care of him, but one thing that cannot stop overtaking me is the serious urge to have a man make real love to me.
I was 34 years April 5 this year, we have been married for nine years and apart from the accident, I have no reason to regret marrying him.
Men, even those close to my hubby are not helping me to suppress this feeling, some with my telephone numbers send erotic messages to me or say things that suggest that they want an affair with me.
I have used all types of vibrator, manual and electric but none can be compared with the real thing that only the man can give, I can’t find satisfaction in those artificial things and the feeling increases each time I use a vibrator.
My very good friend and colleague has advised me to look for a guy of about 19-23 that can secretly be keeping me warm since I can afford to take care of one, but when I discussed this with my mother who is my greatest confidant she told me not to try such and I decided not to.
Since the accident I have not had sex with a man because my husband cannot sit on his own, he is paralyzed from waist down and cannot have erection.
Two consultant orthopedists have assured that there is hope but that it will take time, what I don’t know is the number of years
I want to find out from you if I will continue to burn in my passion as a young woman and for how long? Is there any other way I can overcome this desire? I don’t want to make mistakes, that’s why I call on you for help.
Adanma from Port Harcourt
I will not condemn the urge that usually pops-up in your life, it’s a natural occurrence, it takes place in any healthy human being, especially the sexually active ones.
I think it is one of the reasons the creator advised in His word that those that cannot control this urge should get married to avoid running into troubles.
You are married, but it’s unfortunate that your partner is in a condition that he cannot as it were help you satisfy this need. I am happy that you still remember that your hubby had the accident that kept him in his present situation in his quest to show love to you his wife.
It is not easy for a young sexually active lady to stay on without a man for five years, this you have done and sincerely I doff my hat for you.
Your kind of resolve is the type that moves God to action, how I wish you can carry on without any artificial help like vibrators or any other form of masturbation. Bear in mind that the only acceptable means of sexual intercourse is that between a man and his wife, not between a married person and another that is not the partner or with any object.
Your husband did not bring the accident upon himself and if you let this form the basis of your actions, it will assist you a great deal.
Don’t listen to your so-called very good friend & colleague. she is only pointing you to the way of utter ruin, I bet you there is no way you can get that peace that suppress all understanding by stabbing on the back a man that gave you so much love now that he is sick, yes, being entangled with a younger lover sexually according to your friend is stabbing your hubby on the back and you cannot have peace by doing this.
In my thinking, you will conquer this situation if you carefully stay away from that friend, seek God’s opinion in matters like this and you will never be misled.
I am happy for your mother, your confidant who understands God’s injunction concerning extra-marital union, always talk to her when you are saddled with a burden, this will help you avert accepting root, trunk and branch wrong counsels from inexperienced people.
Conjugal relationship is an integral part of marriage, but life is not dependent on sex alone, afterall you have stayed with this challenge for five years without any health implication. Patiently wait upon God to bring a turn around there is nothing impossible with Him, call upon Him steadily and do not allow the thoughts of sex make you destroy what you have built over the years.
I will be praying for your husband for a quick recovery but ensure you stick to your guns