Dear Bro Fuston,
I guess the recent miscarriage I had is as a result of the forceful way my husband makes love to me, he bounces on me and starts devouring me as if I am a cheap harlot. I lost a three month old pregnancy the next morning after his usual pounding the previous night.
What I can’t explain is if he takes any steroid, I have asked him and he said no and I have not seen him take it or seen any strange drug in the house, but I feel as if a rod is used on me each time he makes love to me. Sometime I gasp for breath when he descends on me, I had other relationships before my marriage with him and I never felt this way, he is making me gradually lose interest in sleeping with him.
He is not romantic, can’t pamper me even after the harm he does to me in the name of making love and can do anything to get it no matter the excuse I put up to discourage him. Each time he comes to me for it, my heart jumps into stomach and I will close my eyes in fear throughout the act.
He sees it as a battle he must win and approaches it with that mindset, I have told him to change but he cannot. My refusal in most cases brings trouble that can make us not talk to one another for weeks, I don’t know who to report this shameful attitudeto, I see you Sir, as someone that can assist me in this trouble hence, my writing to you. Chinenye is my name, I live in Owerri.
Sexual tango is a very important aspect of marriage, I am certain you will not expect me to tell you to stay away from your husband sexually because according to you he ravages you.
I also will not encourage you to keep mute since you are not comfortable with his style.
You don’t need a third party in this issue, you only need patience and constant dialogue with him to ensure understanding prevails.
You must make him understand that whatever you share on the bed should be shared with affection, it should not be viewed as a battle, that fondness must be there to make it pleasurable for you two.
Do not lose sight of the fact that the needed change will not come in a twinkle of an eye and also cannot be achieved by your refusal to let him have you. You have a duty to convince him that his approach satisfies only him leaving you sad, the law of conjugal pleasure demands that a couple should be both happy after the act.
He can give a more affectionate style a trial and see how it works.
Self centeredness should be shunned or discarded in all aspects of marriage.
I believe if you can get him to discuss on this issue exhibiting humility, meekness, respect and love as you speak to him, understanding surely must prevail.
You own his body and he owns yours, and so you should explore the use to your happiness and to the glory of God.
Have a wonderful weekend.