Dear Bro Fuston,
I have accepted my fate, I have concluded that it was not given to everybody to love and be loved as well. There abound reasons have I decided not to disturb myself any further on matters concerning love and relationship.
I am approaching 45. Considering the mentality of our African men, it is difficult for me to fathom how a young bachelor from our continent, nay Nigeria will talk about falling in love with me who is near menopause, not to talk of marrying me.
In the past, I had series of love and marriage disappointments. Then I was damn pretty, young and full of life, yet men broke my heart and walked away without any qualms. That is why I am still confused and amazed at a young handsome graduate of Accountancy who is not more than 36 years asking me to marry him.
I have given all for love, particularly to a guy I dated for eight years, yet I did not achieve anything. I sacrificed my happiness, time and resources and most importantly my womanhood, without knowing that the man I was faithful to, for this number of years, had a girl betrothed to him which later became his wife and they now have four kids.
In fact, he was going from Port Harcourt where we then stayed to Enugu on a monthly basis to see his future wife and her parents.
I reliably gathered that he saw the girl through the university, while he was busy deceiving me with stories of how he will take me to the moon during our honeymoon.
This was why I had to relocate to Owerri because I could no longer bear the shame of losing this guy, who people saw and sometimes addressed as my husband.
I was thrown into a rude shock and utter disbelief on a particular morning I got a wedding invitation card of a guy that slept with me the previous night.
My happiness is that I did not die at that time due to this wicked act done to me by a man I loved so much and was ready to offer my last breath on his behalf.
I am also happy that I did not avenge, because revenge entered my mind severally but I did not give in to it.
Since this guy left, I have made failed and sorrowful attempts on love, many of them will come like the angel of light, with bagful of sweet promises, but when the chips are down, they will disappear.
I have for sometime taken a decision that marriage is late for me and that I will not waste my time anymore struggling to win any man’s heart.
But here is a young fellow who appears serious about taking me as his lawfully wedded wife, he has requested that we go to the Registry before the elaborate occasion.
I have not seen any big difference between him and the many men I have had encounter with. It is just that this one is cool and calm.
Looking at my age and his and the ill-treatment meted to me by love, I want to ask you if I can open my heart to love once again?
Christy,
Owerri,
Imo State.
Dear Christy,
God gave us the heart to love and be loved. So you can once again love and be loved.
It will be bad to continue dwelling in your past. Those failed relationships are now part of your past and must not jeopardize your future.
What I am saying is that you should not be speaking doom about yourself, learn to be optimistic and not pessimistic. I think it is not so good for you to accept your fate on a matter like love or relationship.
Some men are deceitful just like there are deceitful women but the truth is that not all men and women are deceitful, some are trustworthy.
Begin now to change your mind about men because it is part of the problem that will impede your assessment of this new guy.
Of a truth, the age difference is much, but if you find him worthy and truly serious about having you as his wife, then you go ahead and follow him to the registry.
Bear in mind that marriage is an institution that gives the man headship of the family no matter his age. You must be submissive and obedient to him. You must respect and treat him like you would to a man who is 9 – 15 years older than you.
Do not give in to sex until after marriage, this is one of the ways to know a man who is earnestly desirous of having a woman as his wife. The genuine man will wait knowing that you are his till death but the deceitful ones or the casanovas would want to have it hurriedly and take to their heels.
Tell him the necessary things he needs to know about you and don’t hide any important thing from him.
Ensure that his people and your people are carried along in this matter. Marriage especially in Africa involves the families of the two parties.
Finally, that man a girl was betrothed to and those other ones before and after him are not meant for you. None of them is your husband, so be careful not to allow what you lost cost you what you have. I wish you the best.
