Dear Bro Fuston,
There is need for me to share this burden with you for proper admonition so that I don’t rope myself into what will trouble me perpetually.
My relationship is smooth and I must confess that to you. My girl-friend is the dream of any man who desires a peaceful home. I have known her for10 years, though I am five years older than her but we grew up on the same street. She has three sisters and they are all vey beautiful. I never knew I will develop the kind of love and passion I have for her.
We became friends five years ago when she got admission to read in the same university with me.Then, I was in year three.
It was in my final year that we became glued to each other and since then I have not had any reason to regret my relationship with her.
Her parents are both civil servants and also good Christians, so they had this peculiar upbringing that removed them from the usual lifestyle of most youths in our societies.
Early this year when she finally allowed me to make love to her I was not surprised to meet her as a virgin. Her being a virgin reassured me of her good conduct and lighted up the fire of my love for her. For over five months now I had bought a gold ring which I want to use to engage her, but since then I have not had the courage to invite her and push this ring through her right third finger.
I have this heavy burden in my heart about her. As an Igbo man, there are some beliefs that some people may wish to wave off but here in Igboland, such beliefs come with adverse effects if one goes against them.
My immediate elder sister is married and lives with her family in Turkey but she has been my closest confidant right from our childhood. She advised me against marrying this pretty and well-behaved girl.
My best friend whom I am sure will not intentionally advise me to take a wrong step has also consistently told me not to go ahead with my engagement with this lady.
Her only problem is that her first sister without any identifiable cause became mad one afternoon and was taken to many psychiatric homes and prayer houses for healing. Yet she was not cured till she died last year.
I also heard that her second sister two nights after her wedding went berserk and it took the efforts of the husband’s brother who is a medical doctor to arrest the situation. That one still behaves somehow and has not given birth to a child since four years she got married.
I am afraid and wouldn’t want anybody to blame me if I take the step which my love for her is persuading me to.
It is believed that she may develop a psychiatric problem in future or any of her child may become mad.
I want to know what your opinion on this issue is. I am disturbed, please help me.
Sabastine in Owerri
I am happy you sought for my opinion, and my candid opinion concerning your matter is exactly what I am going to offer to you.
The decision to move on with the engagement or not is solely yours.
There are some traditional beliefs not just of the Igbo race but of other tribes in the world that go against the wish of God for us human beings.
Often times when we lay hold on such traditional beliefs they will begin to manifest in our lives, but when we purge ourselves of these traditional beliefs they will not have any effect on us.
Insanity as much as I know is a sickness that can afflict any one. I do not know of any medical proof that it goes through the blood; maybe you should enquire from a psychiatrist. It is not automatic that a mad person must have a sibling or more that can also suffer madness or that an insane person must give birth to a mad child.
Some people Christians still believe and unconsciously advance the cause of their fathers (ancestors) tradition and such negative beliefs follow them and torment their peace also.
Already you have developed the spirit of fear and such fear is the only thing that can stop you from getting the best for yourself.
With this spirit of fear I suggest you do not go ahead with the engagement, because you may take the girl’s normal and acceptable behaviour to mean madness. Sincerely, fear binds.
But if you can prayerfully and honestly discard totally this unfounded fear and belief, I am also of the opinion that you go ahead and make the necessary moves that will see you and this nice lady like you confessed as husband and wife. What you believe about your lover is what matters most, not what your parents, your siblings or even friends believe about her.
If you must abide by my second suggestion, then you need time to truly convince yourself that she will never be mad and will also not give birth to an insane child.
You only can tell yourself the truth about this, and can also take decision on this issue.
The ball is now in your court, be careful, I wish you the best.
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