Dear Bro Fuston,
I am 39 years old and married with four children. My marriage for 13 years now has been stable and pleasurable. My husband, though not very much at home makes up for his absence and I have never had any cause to look outside my marriage.
The truth is that since I got married I have not had any form of emotional feelings for another man and this has guided me from warding off men that seek to have an affair with me.
I have a big frame, but the good thing is that I take care of my body and also wear fitting dresses. So there is hardly a day that one or two men do not make advances at me or behave in a manner that suggests that they want a relationship with me.
I have been very cautions and can proudly say that my husband is the first and only man in my life.
Lately, I must confess that I do not know what has come over me, my feeling now is different, I can’t describe it, I do not know if it’s a feeling in the right direction or not and I do not want to tell my husband about this because I wouldn’t know what his reaction will be.
This whole thing started about six months ago, the very first day I saw this handsome, ebony black guy that parked into the building opposite our own.
I think I have seen guys more handsome than him, but sincerely speaking, there is something about this guy that changes my mood each time I see him or thought about him, that I can’t exactly say.
I feel like engaging him in a discussion to know more about him but I have not mustered the courage to do so. He has never spoken to me, just flashes of his lovely alluring smiles and wave of hand each time we see on the road.
I often see him in my sleep holding me close to himself, cuddling and fondling me, kissing and making love to me and each time, I wake up to notice that it was a dream.
The worst being that I now use him as my fantasy even in the heat of love-making with my husband.
This has continued for about six months and never appears it will stop.
I don’t even know if he is married but he looks like a bachelor. I also do not know what he does for a living.
Could this be love at first sight? I have tried to discard this feeling but it comes each time stronger. What do you advise me to do about this? Will it be nice to tell him the way I feel about him?
I am respected in our neighbourhood and that is why I seek your advice to avoid tarnishing my image.
Elfrida in Owerri.
Let me start by thanking you for the boldness to write seeking for solution in this matter.
You said that your marriage is stable. This goes to prove that you are happy in your marriage. Your marriage did not constitute any cause to this feeling.
You also made it clear that the guy in the picture has never uttered a word to you, it goes to show that he has no hand about the way you feel towards him. The guy did not do anything to stir up this feeling.
Based on these facts, there is no gain-saying that you are the architect of your own travails.
This is not the issue of love at first sight. It is lust at first sight.
You are causing yourself a big harm by lusting after a man who is ignorant of your feelings, besides you are married and like you said your husband makes up for his absence in the house, whenever he returns home. It will be seen as greed for you to be looking out for another man whom you are not even sure if he is another woman’s husband.
You must beware before this lustful feeling destroys your happy marriage. Such wrongful feeling is capable of introducing crisis in the home, you may not know when you do things that will suggest rejection to your husband especially if he is the sensitive type.
It is also lust that makes you to imagine this guy caressing you while asleep, a man commits sin when he lusts after a woman in his heart, the same goes for a woman, she commits sin when she lusts after a man in her heart.
Something tells me that you have friends (ladies) influencing you negatively. If so, be fast to keep away from such ladies, they will lead you to your doom.
Rather make friends with people who are God conscious, people that can help build your faith and trust in God.
Constantly read God’s word and see your husband always as the most handsome man, consider your husband always as the most handsome man, consider your husband as the best in the world.
Prayerfully ask God to save you from the dangers associated with lusting after what is not your own.
Have a splendid weekend.