Dear Bro. Fuston,
My husband was the first to cheat on me, I had never thought of opening my legs for another man since December 26, 2006 we got married and started living like husband and wife.
It was from the second quarter of last year that I began noticing certain changes in him. He will often return home late, 10pm, 11pm, sometimes midnight and will give excuses of treating heaps of folders on his desk in the office.
Many a times he will come home without bothering to eat and when I ask, he will make up stories to convince me.
His phone all of a sudden became an object that cannot be touched by another including the children, if it rings while he is in the convenience, no one dare brings it to him.
I can count the number of times we have had sex since this sudden change in attitude. This is a man that loves sex so much, that he can’t stay for five days without asking for it.
Before I began my new relationship, there are times I will beg him for sex and he will come up with reasons like I am exhausted, I am meditating and the rest.
Countless times I have seen packs of condom in his pockets and when I confront him with this, he will either say he bought it for our use, because there are times we use it especially during my menstrual period or he will offer one excuse or the other which I usually consider flimsy.
On several occasions I have seen stains of lip sticks and other facial paintings of women on his shirts, there are times the aroma of the perfume he wore to work changes and becomes strongly feminine, I am a woman Bro Fuston and I know what I am saying. He tries to wriggle out from every accusation on him concerning this. He has perfected the act that you cannot see any unknown female name in his phone book neither have I seen any sms both in his phone inbox and sent items suggesting that he is having an extra marital affairs.
But I am convinced that he is, because my instinct tells me that, and my instinct has never failed me for once.
I decided to get a revenge due to the fact that we argue a lot over his behaviour and he continues doing what he is doing.
Now, I have a young, well built handsome guy, we are both 33 years old, born in the same month and the same year, though I am few days older than him.
We have been intimately in love, he cares for me and treats me with pleasure and respect, we have been on now for three months, at first, I allowed him the use of my body purely to avenge my husband’s adulterous life style, but I think I am beginning to fall for this guy. Is this the right thing to do? I need your advice.
Julian from Port Harcourt.
Marital failures and many other destructive conditions exist because of infidelity.
There is no cogent reason that can be adduced by a married person to engage in adultery. Be it adultery to get a favour or sympathy from another, adultery because one’s spouse is not good in bed and the other spouse seeks satisfaction outside the home and adultery to exact a revenge as in your case, all are indeed despicable and condemnable.
Adultery is not only sin against one’s mate, but an attack on the sanctity of marriage and a conduct that cause havoc in many families and lives.
In the old testament, God commanded that the sin of adultery should be punished with death, if a man is seen committing this act with another man’s wife both the adulterer and the adulteress should be put to death according to Leviticus 20:10
That is to tell you how abominable this sin is to God our creator, people decided to fulfill their desire in disobedience to the commandment of God, especially in this regard.
The issues you enunciated are clear signs of infidelity on the part of your husband, he may not be honest with you about the reality of his actions even at this, you are expected to do things that will keep your dignity intact.
Let me ask you, do you think involving in an extra marital relationship as a revenge to what your husband is doing will keep your dignity intact?
Have you thought of the end result of your action more importantly as it affects your children?
The hard truth is that your style of revenge is shameful and must be stopped forth with.
That you have discovered that your husband tells you lies clearly indicates that he spares your feelings and wants to keep you as his wife, this though, should not be a reason for him to continue cheating on you.
My dear, you are not justified by your revenge approach, so better quit from that illicit affair with your so called age mate, because it holds no future for you, rather you may be doomed remaining in that love affair.
If you have been hurt don’t deny it, it would be silly and fool hardy to say there are no weeds in the garden when there are weeds in the garden.
Go to your husband and humbly tell him that you are hurt and that you are ready to forgive him of any misgivings, make him know that the golden rule of forgiveness teaches that there’s no hierarchy in the order of mistakes. All mistakes are simply misguided decisions, no mistake is more worthy or less worthy of forgiveness than another.
Find out if there are things you are not doing right in the home and correct them, also beg him to forgive your misgivings and encourage him to see the benefits of living together happily as husband and wife.
You can’t stop your man from the act if you are still keeping your own affair, so before you approach him ensure you are completely out of your own illicit affair.
Importantly, you must pray to God to forgive you because you have sinned against Him, you also need prayers for God to deliver you and your husband from the spirit of adultery.
You can still be happy with your husband if you genuinely apply this principles.