Dear Bro Fuston,
Indeed you are gift to humanity, God bless you for this selfless service aimed at restoring lost hopes in our marriages and relationships.
I kind of heaved a sigh of relief about my predicament when I remember that you can advise me without bias on the right thing to do.
I am a Christian, a born again Christian at that, and I have always prayed for a husband that will make me remain faithful in my service to God.
Some men that showed interest in marrying me wanted to change my pattern and some of the things pertaining to my faith which I hold dear.
Two of them at different times told me to be wearing trousers, that they will love me more if I start putting on trousers and that it will make me look more attractive.
My refusal to do things and my admonition to them that God placed a curse on any woman that puts on men’s attires was one of the things that ended those relationships.
I strongly believe that things which portray worldliness are central to my being single at the age of 35.
Now I have a man, who shares the same belief with me, a good Christian from Ngwa land, but he has hunch back.
I like his behaviour, he makes me laugh and can do anything to keep me happy.
We are very close and have been functioning together in our zonal group in the church. He is intelligent and is always ready to for-go wrongs done to him.
It was early January this year that he came to me and requested that I be his wife, the truth is that, I don’t like his physical appearance, but spiritually he is my type of man. I had told him to let me pray over his request for two months, I must confess here that I have not been able to receive any answer either in the positive or negative.
Is it wrong for me to marry this brother with a hunch back? I am not proud of his appearance. Can we be able to have children that are sound and not dis-figured?
Another thing is that he looks too fragile and I am yet to know if I can cope with his fragile nature.
Do I close my eyes and move on with this brother in marriage?
In your opinion do you think I will regret the move?
I am not getting younger though, but I would desire to be hooked with a man in marriage that will guarantee my peace of mind, not any man.
This is the only reason why I look forward to your unbiased help.
Patricia from Aba
Physical and spiritual likeness are the things looked out for by many intending couples.
Physical appearance may diminish but the spiritual person may remain intact if the individual is steadfast.
I have always told my counsellees to look out mainly for those attribute that can last the test of time.
One’s attitude or character is the true reflection of one’s-self, sometimes its fruits last forever, outward appearance is an advantage but it should not be made the central or focal point in a relationship.
If indeed you desire to have peace in your marriage, then first look out for the good qualities in the man and like you said, this brother is your choice of man spiritually.
I have not heard nor read that genetically hunch back poses a threat, but you can still make further enquires about this from a doctor.
I don’t really understand what you mean that he is fragile.
Is he lazy? Is he always getting sick? What exactly do you mean by saying that this brother is fragile?
Has he a job? Can he be able to provide for his own household? If he can, then he is not lazy.
Examine yourself very well, if you cannot see beyond his physically disability, it is needless going into a marriage relationship with him.
My position is that, if you can consider his inner qualities more than his physical looks, then go ahead and accept his proposal.
He is God’s creation and I am aware that God after creation did say that his creatures are beautiful.
See beyond the hunch back and always look at his peaceful dispositions.
Ceaseless prayers are needed in this regard, also do bear in mind that God cannot loudly say to you that Mr A is or not your husband.
Those things that can bind the two of you together are the revelation you look for.