Dear Bro Fuston,
I am in a fix right now. My mind is blank on what I should do. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have tried to be very circumspect in my dealings with men since my growing up days, till this time I am 24 years. As I write I never envisaged that life could toss my marriage to-and-fro like a table tennis ball. At first I was wondering what could have been responsible for an Igbo man of 42 years (what he told me, he may be older) not getting married.
I enquired and he told me that as the first son of his father who was a poor old farmer in their village, he assisted in the training of his younger siblings and at a later time had his own schooling when he migrated to the US. I believed his story hook, line and sinker and even empathized with him because one can hardly spot the lies in his statement. He mixes the truth with lies and uses this weapon wickedly.
Of a truth, he is rich and handsome but I have hoped to have a handsome and decent man as my husband not one that is already married.
I had prepared myself for a marriage devoid of any form of entanglement.
I hated polygamy with a passion and have consistently called women that offer themselves as second and third wives fools. Now I have been deceived into being a second wife by a man I so trusted. I have been persistently asking God if this is my reward for keeping away from sexual sin, yet I cannot find answer. How can a man who is legally married deny he is never married? When in actual fact he has been in frequent communication with his family abroad and it was by their agreement that he returned to Nigeria to establish a branch of the business he runs with the wife in the US.
What will prompt a man to brazenly lie to his aged mother that his wife of nine years divorced him and took their children, two boys and a girl away to another state?
It was when I discovered his treachery that I understood the reason behind his arranging our wedding in far away Lagos where those that might have uncovered his antics cannot be seen. It has been about one year and my greatest regret is that I am six months pregnant for him and had only known the real man I am living with just last month.
I am the butt of laughter in the World Bank area where we live.
My love for him vanished the very moment I confirmed that he is legitimately married; I don’t see anything good about him anymore. Some people who know what I am facing are advising me to stay since he loves and does everything for me. Few are telling me to get rid of the pregnancy, pack all valuables I can lay my hands on from his house and move on with life.
As for me I have nothing in mind and am yet to come to terms with why after so much sacrifice as a young girl I am today in this disadvantaged situation.
I can’t find my self doing anything now. I am helpless.
Kelechukwu from Owerri.
I was close to tears after reading your mail. Let me quickly apologize for not replying your mail on time, I have been busy in the recent months and beside I have a policy to treat my mails on first-come-first-serve basis. So do bear with me.
There is a purpose for everything under the sun, so do not think that God is visiting your good virtues with punishment, No. You are concentrating on your situation at the moment, but God maybe using your trials to prepare you for a happy, brighter and rewarding future. The way He (God) sees and does things are quiet different from the way we human beings think, see and act.
Marriages are built on good foundation and not on falsehood and deceit. Exemplary homes are hardly made when any of the parties or both spouses start being dishonest, more importantly on issues that are very integral to the growth and stability of the marriage.
The man at the centre of this whole saga is a pathological liar and does not deserve you. With such a man you don’t talk about living together as man and wife. His wife and children must be made to know the kind of husband and father they have. He also must not abandon his responsibility now that you are pregnant and after the birth of the baby.
What you had with him should not be seen as marriage, it was a sham he organised and deceived you into it because of your innocence and naivety.
Don’t ever think of marrying him, nor think of terminating the baby. You may have ended up breaking another woman’s home by accepting the position of a second wife. You also will be seen and known as a murderer if you kill the unborn baby. It is difficult but my candid opinion in this matter is to stay away from this man but ensure that he pays your bills for cunningly and shamelessly putting you in a family way. Trust God for bringing you the man that will wipe away your tears. Stop bemoaning fate, the best for you is on the way. Don’t relent in your good conduct especially as it relates to fornication, it could be you are pregnant of a would-be president of this great country Nigeria. Cheer up God has not given up on you.
It is well.