Hello Bro Fuston,


Thank you for the responsible way you handle problems being presented to you.

My name is Agbakoma Joel and I live in Ibeku, Umuahia Abia State.

I am a thirty-four-year-old company worker in a relationship with a thirty-one-year-old female fashion designer. I knew her way back in school but we started being lovers in 2009.



When I presented marriage to her February this year she accepted and since then we have been working together to get married officially.

I and my people in May this year went to her father’s house in the village for the traditional marriage introduction and they accepted us.

I love her and I know she loves me too, but there is something I don’t quite like about her character, and that is, that she is ready to fight anywhere even in the church.

She will not be the person to look for trouble, but she will always not let go if somebody offends her.


I was shocked and embarrassed when one of my uncles that followed us to her place called me on phone to inform me that my fiancée was fighting in the market and that I should come to the market to see her torn clothes if I am in doubt.

I rushed to the market and it was true, the woman she fought with was the cause of the trouble, but my worry is that my woman was begged to forgive by other traders, she refused and insisted she must teach the woman some lessons that will deter her from insulting customers.

The problem now is that my uncle is insisting that I should not marry such a woman that fights like a dog and that our tradition forbids marrying women that desecrated the land by fighting in public. My parents are yet to hear this, but I know that my uncle’s refusal to follow us when next we are billed to go to their village will reveal this to my parents who likely may not accept her as a daughter-in-law.


Again she is yet to be convinced that she did wrong by fighting in public no matter what was done to her.

A colleague of mine suggested that I should keep her to help me defend my rights because I am on the quiet side and can hardly fight.

Please my brother, I am not comfortable with such life style. Tell me what I can do to make her know that as a married woman she is not supposed to fight.

Thank you and God bless you.

Joel from Umuahia.

Dear Joel,

You did well by seeking to know what to do to stop your would-be wife from the wrong behaviour of fighting. Your efforts shall not be fruitless.

Only low and dirty animals fight, higher and decent animals hardly fight. By higher animals I am referring to children of God, those that are conscious of who they are.

Such persons know their bounds and would always walk away from those things that will reduce them to the level of fighting.

Don’t ever listen to that colleague or anyone that tells you she is there to defend your rights, was she defending your right when she stoop so low to fight in the market and her clothes were torn?

There are many responsible and revered ways one can protect or defend one’s rights.

In my opinion, you should not be in a hurry to bring her in as your wife, make her know that Jesus who is our perfect example never fought. He also condemned Peter who fought to defend the master by cutting someone’s ear.

Fighting can lead to many hazards and can even cause one’s death, she should learn to hold back and forgo certain insults.

If she must fight, then let her enroll as a boxer or a wrestler to do it professionally and for monetary gains. The last Olympics in London saw our fighters return without laurels, maybe she can bring back the lost glory to our dear nation.

Be careful and happy weekend.