Dear Bros. Fuston,
I still do not know why this world is full of envy and hatred. The worst, being that this hatred comes from people you have assisted.
Someone like me hardly visits my husband’s village, because, stepping my foot in that compound means trouble for me throughout the time I will stay there.
I prefer taking my children to my own father’s house, mainly on festive periods because that’s where we always feel the warmth and love of extended family members.
As I write this letter to you, I cannot say exactly what their anger towards me and even my children is.
My husband has tried to resolve the problem, but at the end of the day, it was obvious that there are no scores for anyone in that family to settle with me.
On my own, I have tried to be nice to them, but my nicety, instead of bonding us as a family, is disuniting and creating a wide gap between me and them.
My rebuff of them on certain issues has not helped matters either. Sincerely speaking, this is my greatest worry.
That I have been married into a family for 12 years now and apart from that first year that the marriage and its celebrations took place, I have not been in good terms with virtually all my husband’s brothers and sisters and his mother. I am not happy about this at all, and all efforts to make peace have failed.
The only thing they hold against me is that I control my husband, their brother. They also accuse me of not allowing him to give them money. All these accusations are false because I have personally assisted them, and sometimes through my husband.
Sometimes when I react negatively over their ill-treatment to me, my husband gets angry and we quarrel.
Somehow, the face-off between me and my husband’s people is eroding peace in my marriage. I wouldn’t want it to continue.
As it is, I do not know what to do to please these people. I also want to save my marriage because they are relatives, and sometimes my husband seems to believe their stories, thereby bringing problem in our home.
 What do you think I should do to save this situation?
Promise, from Umuahia
Dear promise,
Your idea of seeking solution to the face-off between you and your in-laws, is a right step in the right direction.
It is not proper for you to continue to fight with them.
To be sincere, some persons are extremely difficult to please. In this type of situation, all you do is to continue the good thing you are doing and try not to react negatively when they push you to the wall.
Whenever a soured relationship like the one you have with your in-laws becomes smooth, someone is making great sacrifice to keep the relationship. Such sacrifice can come by tolerating their excesses, denial of some sort of comfort, only to please them.
My dear, try and see if you can make some sacrifices, try to overlook their faults in the interest of peace.
I am not suggesting that you should abandon your responsibilities as a wife, but those sacrifices that can make relationship between you and your in-laws to flourish and importantly, bond your marriage with your hubby, are advisable.
Speak to your husband to understand that he should trust you more in any situation and don’t behave in a way that will make your man feel that you are what his people said you are.
When your husband believes in you, I bet you he will have a way of protecting you from from his brothers, sisters and even parents.
Don’t pay back evil for evil, continue to do all that is in your power to make peace reign. Also pray over this situation so that God can change the hearts of those involved in this situation.
Mind your actions, your words and your dealings with your in-laws.
Sometimes, silence is golden, so, learn to treat them with silence when it is necessary.
You can win their hearts and by so doing, protect your marriage when you do the extra thing to please them.
I know it is difficult, but your effort someday, will vindicate you from their accusations and probably put to a permanent end, this face-off
Once again, don’t refuse to lend a helping hand to anyone of them that you are in position to assist.
I assure you that you will be happy again if you do the necessary things to maintain peace.
Have a wonderful weekend.
