Dear Bro Fuston,
Goodmorning & God bless you.
Something has been disturbing my mind for sometime now and of late it has started giving me sleepless nights.
Sometime last year I met this lady, she never told me her age but I guess she should be around 38-40 years and that accounts for her being desperate to marry.
She is not pretty, but one cannot say she is ugly either, we have been intimate friends since we met, but the truth is that I pretend to love her when I don’t. I only like her but she believes that I love her to the point of marriage because of her generosity to me.
For now she is my only girl friend and I have not gone out of my way to hook unto another woman, I still know that she is not the woman I will marry because, I may not be older than her. Again, she is not as intelligent as I wish my wife to be. She dresses well though, but she can spend fortunes to purchase any cloth, handbag, shoe and jewelry that meets her fancy, no matter the odd. Also I noticed that the money and other gifts she gives to me are for the purpose of marrying her, she is equally very independent minded and sometimes I find it hard to control her. I also think that her desperation is making her cover up some of her irrational behaviour that might be uncovered if finally I get married to her.
The truth, I must confess is that she has done so much for me and is still ready to do more. The car I drive is a brand new choice car courtesy of this lady, she pays bill without hesitation and freely allows me the use of her body, despite all these, I cannot make up my mind to marry her now, but she has been pressurizing me to go and meet with her people, so that we can commence the process of marriage.
My conscience is blaming me, I am at a cross road, dumping her will portray me a wicked gold digger, marrying her I feel deep inside me will not make me happy in the future, I would have loved to pay back all generosity but as it stands, I cannot because I don’t have the means now.
This is why I call on you at this critical time to assist me, can you?
Ifeanyi from Lagos.
I will not advice you to marry a lady you wish not to marry, neither will I advice you to dump this lady who has done so much to change your life and personality. Like you said, it will portray you a wicked gold digger if you dump her.
Therefore, you need your conscience to judge you rightly in this matter.
In my opinion, you will do yourself a whole lot of good to marry her because the reasons you adduced are not cogent enough to discredit her.
That you may not be older than her holds no water, you saw her, she did not mask herself before you committed yourself to this relationship that got intimate.
Her spending habit can be controlled, your problem here is that she pays the piper and she detects the tone, and that is why you are afraid of talking to her on how she spends on clothing and other things.
Again, her independent mind intimidates you and I must say that this doesn’t show you a real man. There is nothing wrong in her being independent inasmuch as she respects your opinion and I tell you, you should be the one to make her respect you and your opinion.
She is not as intelligent as you want your wife to be yet you accept her generous gifts, making her believe that you love her, this is deceit.
I have discovered that you have not made any effort to improve this lady on any capacity, you only capitalized on her desperate move to get married to take advantage of her.
Another thing you must bear in mind is that you have been relishing her body sexually knowing that such intimacy is solely reserved for legally married people, this according to the Bible makes you two husband and wife. Read 1 Corinthians 6:16.
You committed a blunder, from the outset you should have made her know that your friendship is not unto marriage, that would have afforded her the opportunity to be wise in spending for you. One cannot eat his cake and have it. Don’t do anything to break her heart, see if you can correct things about her that can be corrected and move on with her in marriage, that would afford lasting peace.
Be careful, not to attract to yourself the punishment of man and God.
Think twice and happy weekend.