Dear Bro Fuston,
He is from an obscure and remote community in Ebonyi State, many of the people in this community still do things that are considered quite primitive by people of other areas today.
But this guy is refined and well brought up, he is a gentle man and also exhibits a likeable personality. I love him to a fault, because for about one year we have been dating, he has proved to be a man that is able to meet up with his responsibilities as a husband and father.
One can hardly know that he is from such indistinct place if not told. He carried himself well and can do everything and anything within reach to make me happy.
Very hardworking, humble and respectful. His parents are pagans. He was in the pagan religion with the parents and other members of their family but last year, his friend took him to Pentecostal church and since then, he has been attending the church with his friend, though there are times he prefers not to attend the church service.
He has begged to marry me and because of his sterling qualities I agreed to live with him.
Recently, something happened and it has kept me worried so much. We traveled together to his village to see his parents and informed them of our intentions, we got there and they welcomed us so warmly. The parents were happy that their son wants to settle down in marriage, they were also happy with the choice he made which is me.
The very thing about the family which I detest is their form of worship and belief. When we were about returning the next day, because we passed the night in their family house, his father took us to a small hut and without being told, I discovered it is a shrine because the items there are usually found in shrines.
There the middle aged man poured libation and called on his god to guide and protect us as we travel, most of the things he said were said in their dialect which I did not understand but I knew he prayed for our safety.
I also learnt that it is mandatory that all members of the family return home every year, children, women married into the family and men to be fortified in that shrine.
My fiancé is saying that we must come home for this ceremony if eventually we get married. I am disturbed by these findings. Please, how do I go about this problem?
Nneka from Umuahia.
It is disheartening that at this time of great awareness in the things of God, some individuals still advance paganism and idolatry.
Religion has a great influence on people, it must surely moderate their lifestyle. So I am of the opinion that you settle this issue first before any other thing.
In all sincerity and fairness, addressing this issue in your favour is an uphill task. Remember, you are here faced with the whole family, this could be the only form of worship or the only means of acquiring power which they know and are used to. Coming to tell them to stop it because you are getting married to their son may be seen as an affront, also your not participating in this yearly ritual may also be considered as disobedience.
You have three options in this matter and I will point them to you so that you can in your wisdom decide the best option to take.
1) You can choose to quit the relationship and stop seeing this guy who is neither a Christian nor a pagan.
2) You can also go ahead and be married to this guy and consequently join them in their pagan worship.
3) The third option which I think is the best, is to work on your fiancé. You must convince him that going to a shrine to seek powers of any sort is idolatry and the God Almighty abhors such.
God said He is a jealous God and that His worshippers must have Him as the only God and no other god.
If you can get him to understand that ultimate safety, protection and strength come from God in heaven, that should be a step towards changing the whole family from idolatry.
I do not know how strong your faith in God is, because it is your absolute faith in God that can determine the level of your effort towards accomplishing this mighty task.
If you succeed in getting your fiancé convinced on this matter, he then can work on his parents to abandon this wrong way or at least exonerate you from this practice.
Like I earlier said, it’s a huge task, don’t rush it, patience and consistency can conjure the magic.
However, if you put in enough effort to get this family out of this dark part and it fails, I will not advice you to continue, marriage is a union of two people and for it sustainability and success it is better consummated between people of same religion. This will at least remove friction in the area of worship.
Let pagans marry fellow pagans, Christians fellow Christians, Muslims, also should find succour among fellow Muslims that is