Dear Bro Fuston,
As it is, I need a strong shoulder to learn on and I have considered you worthy to assist me.
How I wish it’s all a dream; how I wish I can wake up only to discover that it is a mirage. I am being tormented mentally mostly when I remember the type of love I shared with my husband from the days we courted till the time we had our second daughter.
We have actually come a long way and I never thought that things would turn out the way they are now. I am now treated like an out-cast by a man that shared 12 solid years with me without any major issue or issue. I still find it baffling that my husband who pampered and gave me every assistance I needed to be somebody can now shout at me, slap me, walk out on me and treat me with scorn.
My husband doesn’t hide his reason for attempting a second marriage. He has told our priest when the man of God asked him why he was opting for another marriage and he answered without hesitation that he wants a son and from all indications I can’t give him a son.
He is the first son in a family of two girls and three boys. His brothers have had baby boys except him. This gives him sleepless nights; he thinks his brothers or people would deride him because of this.
Already, we have four lovely daughters. The unfortunate is that I was warned by doctors not to attempt child birth again, since I gave birth to the four through caesarian session. They said it is not very safe for me to try again and thoughts of this repeated warning sends shivers down my spines.
I have on my own gone for family planning. My husband presented two options to me knowing too well that I cannot accept any of the two.
His options are that I give him a son or he gets someone to give him a son. Peace has eluded my house and joy has taken a flight in my heart.
I have been warned and I do not want to compromise my life with anything, I also would not stand the presence of another woman sharing my husband with me in the name of marriage.
He returns home late these days and I know that the new woman is the reason for this late night.
Do I fold my arms and watch? What if things go bad in the cause of this affair?
How do I quench this fire that is about consuming someone?
Please help me.
Charity from Umuahia
You need not worry yourself because you did not bring the situation upon yourself, so begin now to cheer up.
It is unfortunate that your husband is placing emphasis on what people will say about him and his family without putting into consideration God’s reason(s) for blessing him with four lovely daughters.
Probably he thinks that his brothers’ wives had baby boys by their powers, a school of thought even teaches that the man determines the sex of the baby, but the glaring truth is that children are heritage of God and He freely gives to whoever He wants-boys, girls, twins, triplets, quadruplets and more.
Make him understand that he is making himself an ingrate because many couples abound who had been married for over 12 years without the cry of a baby whether boy or girl in their homes.
Do not try anything heinous, patience is a great attribute, imbibe it and before long its effect will make difficulties and obstacles disappear.
Engage your husband meaningfully in a dialogue, don’t fight. Do your best to make him understand that your girls are enormous blessings from God and the blessings of God indeed bring riches and do not add sorrows.
What is important is the training of the girls. Good and quality training to these girls will in turn bring crowns of glory to you people. Good and quality training is carried out in an atmosphere of peace, tolerance, joy and harmony. Polygamy in most cases breeds discord, hate and acrimony and effective training hardly thrives in these situations.
Boys or girls, the most important thing is the up-bringing of a child and emphasis should be laid more on this and not the sex of the child.
Adoption is another way out of this issue. You can choose to adopt a baby boy legally and give him the necessary training if your husband insists on having a boy. In all of these don’t ignore the efficacy of prayers.
Polygamy is forbidden by God, your husband should listen to the voice of reasoN. Best wishes.