He wants to blackmail me into sleeping with him

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Dear Bro. Fuston,

I must confess to you that a mistake I made about seven months ago has been giving me sleepless nights.

Truly, I was starved of sex, but it was not the starvation that led me into having it with an old school mate. I think the devil wanted to punish me because I have been enduring it for over two years my husband traveled overseas.

I have not been unfaithful to my husband and had no intentions to be. God is my witness. But this unfaithfulness that pushed me into this predicament is what I can’t really explain how I got myself involved in it.

I went to the bank one morning to make some withdrawals. Unfortunately, the money I was expecting didn’t come. So as I was leaving the banking hall sad and dejected, (I needed the money that morning to solve a pressing need) someone held me by my left hand and when I looked up, I beheld a former school mate in the secondary school.

After exchanging pleasantries with him, he asked me why I was looking so sad and I narrated my ordeal to him. He asked me to wait and I did, after his transaction in the bank he handed a bundle of one thousand naira notes to me and begged me to manage it.

I needed less than the amount but he generously gave me the money and pleaded that I should manage it, promising to offer more another time.

I think that was how I developed the interest in him. He was calling me constantly to find out how my children and I were faring and sometimes will pay some money into my account and tell me to use it to re-fuel my car or he will send recharge cards to me.

The guy was simply nice and to me there was no strings attached to our friendship.

One boring evening he called me to hang out with him and we did at a popular joint and afterwards he drove me back to the house.

We continued like this until one evening he called me to meet him in a hotel and gave me the room number where I will see him.

I will not lie to you, I knew that we may end up making love, but I damned my conscience owing to the fact that this guy had done so much for me and I said to myself that allowing him a feel of my body isn’t too much. Besides it’s a long time I had sex and here is a good man I can trust.

Finally, we had it. The guy is married and is staying in Lagos with his family, but he is always coming to the East to supervise his building project.

I was in the bathroom trying to clean up when I hard him telling someone to come to his hotel room for a check because he was traveling to Lagos first thing the next morning.

When I came out of the bathroom and asked him who he spoke with he told me it was the contractor handling his building.

The worst happened when the contractor came and it was a family friend, I was shocked when I saw him but we pretended not to have known each other.

From that time till now he has been mounting serious pressures on me to come and sleep with him or risk his calling my husband abroad to tell him that what I do is to sleep around with men in his absence.

I have offered him money but he refused and insisted that I should give him that same thing I have been sharing to other men.

Recently, he sent my husband’s telephone numbers and e-mail address to me via an SMS, a proof that he has his contacts abroad and can always reach him whenever he wishes.

I am confused about this situation and wouldn’t know what to do. That’s why I call on you to proffer solution that will leave me unhurt in this whole thing.

Do I accept to sleep with him to stop his troubles? I am only 31 years old with two sons and wouldn’t want to be forced out of marriage at this time.

Please, assist me. God bless you.

Mercy,

Enugu

Dear Mercy,

The truth about your issue is that many people in your condition will do what you did, but no matter how hard we try to justify your action and absolve you of blame, you are wrong to have slept with a man that is not your husband.

You can’t adduce any genuine reason or excuse to make right your immoral act. Sex is not done by accident. It is usually a mind thing and therefore is pre-meditated. Yes, your husband is away and definitely you must be missing his warmth and presence, but did you not give your consent for him to travel abroad? Did he give you the license to have a sexual affair with any “good man” that comes your way while he is away?

Starvation is the price you have to pay for letting your husband live differently from you. Have you seen how an illicit act is pushing you into a more grievous mistake? Do not try to cover this wrong-doing because it may lead you into committing greater wrongs.

It will be fool-hardly for you to let another man feast wickedly on your private part all in the name of black-mail. Do you think that this black-mailer will stop pestering you after an encounter?

Black-mailers have ways of exploiting their victims, so don’t think that this your so called family friend will stop only at sleeping with you, he may devise other means to continue doing this or extorting money from you. The truth is the only thing that could stop him and also give you a peace of mind.

Tell your husband the whole truth before this man goes ahead to inform him first. Beg him to forgive you and also give him a firm and reassuring promise that you will never indulge in extra-marital affairs.

Don’t ever leave out praying to God in all you are going to do concerning this matter, tell God to soften the heart of your husband.

I am sure that he will not be happy to hear that his wife was unfaithful to him, but I believe he will forgive and retain you as his wife when you show enough remorse.

If indeed this whole thing settles down, tell your man to take you and the kids to where he is or relocate to where you people are.

It is not always right and easy for partners in marriage to live apart.

Also be careful of that friend who offers you assistance with a hidden or subtle condition of having your most valued assets, which is your womanhood.

Have a fine weekend.

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