Dear Bro. Fuston,
I need a shoulder to cry on now, the gift of a baby which is supposed to bring joy and unite us more as a family is now being used as an excuse for evil doing.
This is our second child in a marriage of four years. Since this years of staying together as husband and wife I have had no cause to regret ever marrying him except for his attitude recently.
I have endured lack and poverty with him, believing that someday things will get better. I took his people as my own people and that explains why I accepted to take care of his sick mother, who was protractedly ill until she died under my roof.
I have encouraged him financially, morally and in other ways for us to build a strong home. I have not for one day deliberately denied him of my body no matter what.
I picked up this pen to write to you because I do not know who to complain to and my matter will be made worst. It was in my moments of thought that I remember seeing your write-up in the salon where I go to make my hair and I abandoned all that I was doing, raced to the salon and copied your number without letting anyone know.
Please create enough space to accommodate my letter because narrating everything to you will help to ease of my bitterness for him presently.
I now believe it that men for sure are polygamous in their nature. I said so because, before the incident that led to this conclusion, I in my widest imagination never believed that my husband could stoop so low in sleeping with a mere harlot.
We courted for two years before our wedding which is four years now and there was no inkling to suggest that he can cheat on me with decent girls not to talk of going into a brothel to sleep with a commercial sex worker.
According to my sister who saw him entering into the brothel, a commercial bus dropped her and other passengers in front of the brothel located in one of the busiest roads here in Port Harcourt, she looked up and saw my husband going into a make shift building. She said she called him but he didn’t hear her and she followed him into the place. On getting in there, she didn’t see him again, but that she saw some ladies both young and advanced, slim and fat wearing skimpy dresses, majority were dressed in half naked attire puffing their cigarettes. The few men hanging around there from what she told me appeared like derelicts, two of the girls approached her and asked in their slangs if she came to hussle, she was ignorant of what they were saying, but she told them that her brother in-law entered into the place, she described what he wore and the girls started laughing. One of them said to her that the man has gone in with a girl to release congi tension. The story is long but the issue is that my sister came out of the place and met a middle aged man in a shop, on enquiry the man told her that the place is a den of prostitutes and that any man seen going in there is a customer to the free girls.
She was still in that man’s shop when my husband came out of the place, she said she confronted him with what she went in there to do. But he started begging her not to let any one especially myself to know.
She came straight to my house and narrated every thing to me, and when I asked my husband, he never denied it but simply said he can’t continue to endure it since six weeks I put to bed, he was not even apologetic and has since then been avoiding me.
I am filled with rage, but quite confused on what to do. Is this how a man should treat his wife? Is this how to thank God for this blessing in our family? Is this not wickedness? While I am busy taking care of the children my husband is busy going from one prostitute to another.
Packing my things and leaving his house is the only idea that comes to me, is this the best?
Please speak to me urgently, I wouldn’t mind coming personally to see you if that will not inconvenience you. What better way do I handle this problem?
Rest and peace of mind are now my foes, kindly help me embrace them once again.
Ijeoma in PH.
It is quite a pity that your husband can condescend so low to sleep with a prostitute.
It is very embarrassing and the dangers in such act can be very destructive. One can contract a deadly disease by sleeping with such loose girls, the man maybe mistaken for an armed robber if the law enforcement agents clamped in on such place.
Going in to prostitutes demeans and reduces the integrity of a person ie trust and respect won’t be accorded to such a man, and the person hardly makes a good family man.
Let me correct an erroneous remark you made that men are polygamous in their nature, this is wrong because God in the beginning created them a male and a female.
Some men are polygamous in their behaviour, unlike your husband some men whose wives gave birth to babies can stay more than six weeks without committing adultery, so it is about the style of life one decides to live.
God’s blessings remain precious no matter how we react to such blessings. You should not be down spirited because your man used God’s precious and unquantifiable love on your family as an excuse to indulge in wrong doing.
Get him quietly to apologize to you because that is a debt he owe you and God for defiling the marriage bed. Don’t be harsh on him, many men are very protective of their ego and that maybe why he is avoiding you now.
Communication is an essential tool used in repairing a damaged part of marriage, so apply it politely.
You have every right to quit the marriage, but I am of the opinion that you don’t try it because it will not yield a better fruit, the appellation Divorce has a soar taste on the tongue.
If he apologizes forgive him and do your best to bring him closer to God, you can only succeed in getting this right when you are born again, having the spirit of God is the only sure way he can stay away from immorality as long as he wants.
Stop being worried and confused, stand up and do something positive now to change the wrong situation around you for your benefit.
I wish you the best, happy weekend.