Good morning Bro. Fuston,
I met this guy and we began dating and after sometime he proposed to marry me and I accepted because I love him and not only that, he is handsome and also very sexually fit.
As time goes on, rumours started filtering into my ears that my lover is a married man with kids. When I approached him with this report he denied it vehemently but I insisted that we should go and meet with his parents, he refused. All he kept telling me was to get pregnant for him which I knew was not possible because of the situation of things at hand. Recently, we had a serious quarrel and I broke up with him and began to go out with another guy who seems to love me and has introduced me to his parents as his wife–to-be. This second guy has been requesting to know from me if I will be his wife but I have not given him a positive answer yet. What borders me so much about him is that he doesn’t like sex and to me this is not funny. The former guy whom I have confirmed to be married with kids and had even met with his wife has been calling me to come back to him. I dated him for four years and three months and have had relationship with the second guy for four months now and am still seeing him. I have been wondering if I should marry this man with a wife and kids without the consent of his parents or this new one that always sings he loves me but can’t make love to me for like two months? Should I quit the two of them? I am 24 years. Jessica is my name and I am a student.
Jessy writes in from Owerri, Imo State.
Good morning Jessy,
Let me commend your intelligence and courage of seeking help genuinely in a matter as intricate as yours. Feel free to interact with me anytime there is need for you to do so. There are acts that are morally, spiritually and foundationally wrong. Having sex with a married man is one of such acts.
The golden rule says “Do unto others as you would want them do unto you”. Tomorrow if you get married, would you clap for your husband for cheating on you sexually? Would you whole-heartedly accept a lady you discovered to be having illicit sex with your husband into your life? If you cannot then know that this lady you coveted her husband and now considers if you are going to marry him will not be happy to know that you had something to do with her man. He is calling you to return to him just to continue exploiting you sexualy. He considers you as his sex toy and had cashed in on your ignorance of this fact to satisfy his inordinate desire for sex. Your union sexually with this married man, can result in the break-up of another woman’s home. Would you be glad to see a strange woman sleep with whosoever that will be your husband and by so doing break up your marriage? What on earth will make a 24-year-old student consider being a second wife? My dear the dangers in polygamy are enormous. Decent, God fearing and educated people in the 21st century avoid it like a plaque. At 24, you have all it takes to get the best for yourself. Another woman’s husband is not the best for you. Rather you will only play a second fiddle in his house if he mistakenly brings you in.
Good sex is good I agree with you, but it is worth waiting for. There is time for everything under the sun including sex. This second guy seems a better prospect for marriage but you must be careful to know if he is real because all that glitters is not gold. You don’t seem to like him so much because you discovered he dislikes sex. You maybe getting it wrong if that is the only reason keeping you from giving him a positive answer to his request. Communication is very vital in any relationship and you must communicate enough to know yourselves. Through communication you may find out if this dislike is a biological problem or attitudinal.
You can seek help from an O and G doctor if his case is so serious.
It could be he is afraid of the consequences of pre-marital sex and is holding back to avert God’s wrath.
Take time to make your findings so that you know the most beneficial thing to do.