Dear Bro Fuston,
A budding, enterprising but randy young Nigerian of Igbo extraction, in his twenties left his country in the fifties to the then Gold Coast in search of a better life. He was employed as a casual worker in a gold mine. I was told he first had an affair which later led to marriage with an Ashanti woman, that marriage never succeeded. He tried his hands on about three other marriages but none was able to survive the test of time.
About 1976 fate brought him together with a young, beautiful damsel who usually accompanies her mother to sell local delicacies to the mine workers on weekends.
They became lovers and not quite long this young girl who was still then in the college became pregnant for this amorous man. She dropped out of school for many years but the most annoying is that this man changed his location and after some months left the country and fled to Nigeria.
Mum single handedly with the help of her old, poor, widow-mother raised me without any form of assistance from the man that put her in family way.
Mum was smart enough to get the village address of this man in Imo State, Nigeria and handed it over to me with his photographs when I was leaving for Lagos in Nigeria to make a living. I am a builder and a man that lives in Lagos contracted me and some others to build his house in his village at Ikeduru that was how I came to Imo State, because my job takes me around. I now know virtually every part of the state.
Since early last year I have been in romance with a pretty young lady here and now we want to make our relationship formal. I had gone to their house with some friends and the landlord of the place I live to let her family know my intention toward their daughter. I was embarrassed and short of words when her father told me to go and bring my parents if I truly want to marry his daughter. The embarrassment stems from the fact that I have told my girl everything about my background and had thought that she narrated all to her parents.
I have lived in Owerri for an upward of three years and had not cared to search for this man that sired me. Another thing is that I don’t even know if he is still alive.
I also do not know what his reaction will be. Will he accept me as his son? What if he is married with other children, will they accept me as their brother?
These and many other unanswered questions keep disturbing me and yet people are telling me to make a move. My love for this piece of beauty is the force compelling me to go into this search.
Mum sacrificed everything to me because of this man who never cared for one day, she never re-married. How will she feel about this whole thing? I need your help, is the man my father in the real sense of it?
I earnestly feel for you and your mother. I can understand what she passed through in bringing you up. Strive to look after her now she has advanced in age. You can only reciprocate her sacrifices for you by being a good son. Remember a wise son is glory to his mother.
In my thinking, it will be very right and commendable if you can go search for the man. He is your biological father from your narration and there is nothing you can do to change this truth. The man was a philanderer in his hey-days; he denied you and your mum care, love and affection when you two needed them most. He declined and fled the country to avoid his responsibility but nature has thrust him as your father.
You must at this time develop the heart of forgiveness. I want you to examine thoroughly the entire situation, of all place you arrived at Lagos Nigeria to make a living, not long a different thing brought you to Imo State the home state of your supposed father. Now marriage and love demand that you search and bring this man if he is alive for things to move on smoothly. Have you also considered if your meeting with this man will change your fortune? He may have realized his mistakes and would want to make amends. Your mum did not hand over the address and photographs to you for fun, she intends by that action that you go in search of your father. Your girl’s father may have heard your story but used the option of you bringing your father as a way of reconciling father and son.
How long do you want to remain without identifying with your route? Make a move now and erase that dark spot of your history. Please, keep me posted on the outcome of your search. I am curious.
Best of luck.