Dear Bro. Fuston,
I am in a serious dilemma. My marriage is about crumbling and I am depending on you to know the right thing to do save it. But please I must beg you to reasonably put into consideration my feelings which are the driving force in whatever action I have taken.
My growing up was chequered. I became a mother at the age of 19, three years after my marriage. I got married as a virgin and my marriage is now 13 years and I have a son in the primary school and he is 10 years old.
I enrolled for a weekend programme in one of the universities here in Owerri last two years and that was where I met this good-looking young man of about 27 years. He is single and was asked to be the class course representative because most of the people are married and are too busy to serve in that capacity.
He was helping me in some school works, sometimes, he comes to my shop or I take something I will require him to assist me to his office or house.
Throughout last year he was of great assistance to me and there was nothing to suggest that we are going to tango sexually. I have only known my husband sexually all my life and I felt comfortable and had no reason to turn to another man because I lacked nothing as a married woman and also was told right from my childhood that when a woman gets married, she sticks to her husband. I have always lived with this mindset, but recently I am beginning to feel a different thing.
I went to see my course representative in his apartment one evening to help me submit an assignment because I will not be in school the next day. When I got to his door and knocked, it took a while before he came to open the door and when he came, he was wearing a white towel and pleaded that he was having his bath in the bathroom. He kissed me while still on the door before ushering me into his one room to take a seat. In my presence he removed his towel, brought out a boxer-shorts and wore it.
I saw his big manhood when he removed the towel and that was when I started comparing the size with that of my husband and finally came to a conclusion that his is two times bigger than that of my man. I was imaging the size, it’s like he noticed my reaction and came closer and planted another deep kiss on my lips and that was the magic that overwhelmed me. He sincerely turned me around and I felt what I have not felt before, it was a new and a very exciting experience. I got home that evening and slept like a baby. When I got up I felt renewed and also noticed that my husband all these years of marriage with him has only been scratching my body. I have been regularly having pleasurable moments of sex with my course-mate. I now feel deceived by my parents and husband, they never allowed me to explore. Sex with my husband now is very boring and I have told him that I won’t be having sex with him because I get angry presently after every sex encounter with him.
In fact, I now dislike him because he never cared about my satisfaction but his only. These other guy cuddles me and makes me feel very important.
I know I am not going to marry this guy but I must state here that I am totally sick and tired of my husband the only thing keeping me in his house are my four growing children who depend more on me for care.
I have gone to confront my mother on my new experience. She only pleaded with me to stay in my marriage.
For me now I see good sex as a basic need, just like food, since it makes me sleep well, what I have not been having in the past.
Bro. Fuston, please tell me if it is proper to remain in this semi-prison or do I continue to get what my body needs from this guy who is ever ready to give it to me the way I enjoy it? I look forward to your urgent reply.
Mrs. Verna in Owerri
Dear Mrs. Verna,
My findings are that you are ignorant of the sanctity and make-up of the institution called marriage. It is obvious you never prepared for marriage, you went into it without knowing what you want. I have been thinking on what to tell you to justify your illicit sexual affair with your course-mate, but can’t find any justifiable reason. That you would have explored sexually before marriage is a belated argument. Besides virginity is still a sexual purity. God frowns at pre-marital sex and you should be proud that your husband met you at home, (i.e. you married as a virgin) not that he met you already a rail way.
Maybe I should tell you that marriage is contracted under the laws of God and any partner that goes contrary to the laws must be punished.
Extra-marital relationship no matter the reasons presented by the offending partner is forbidden by the laws guiding marriage and because what you are doing with this school mate is prohibited. You two must not go scot-free.
Yes, you married as a minor, quite condemnable but you should try to live above your past, don’t let the errors of the past box you into a sordid corner. That you now prefer this new guy sexually to your husband is the reason why you should not have attempted it in the first place.
Your mind and marriage were at peace before this untoward discovery. After exciting sexual experience with this guy, you are now in a dilemma. You allowed your fleshly desire to take complete control of your entire being.
You now dislike a man that fathered your four children simply because you get a warm cuddle and an exciting sex from an amorous bachelor who only took undue advantage of your candid disposition. You have received the wisdom of the world and now feel that a marriage which has flourished for 13 years is a semi-prison. I pity you because the day this stud will disappoint and break your heart you will have no one to run to. Why do you choose to demolish a house you have laboured to build for thirteen years? Why is it that you cannot be content with your man or better still try to help him improve on his performance? You can seek help from a sexologist who can assist you two in your sexual behaviour. Don’t try divorce, because it is a huge mistake you will leave all your life to regret. The sooner you stop having emotional closeness with this your so called course representative the better for you, your kids and husband and even for this guy who is on the mission to rubbish you and break up your marriage. You have made yourself an adulterous wife and women that lived this kind of life before the coming of Jesus Christ were stoned to death without mercy. You should be proud of your husband instead of denigrating him. Tell God to forgive you of this wickedness against your husband and children, pray to Him to cleanse you and direct your footsteps to the right path.
You must pray to suppress this canal pleasure, pray because you indeed need to pray, your case is not ordinary.
Wishing you the best.